PowerHouse Magazine, issue 4 - Gotta Have It
When I was a little girl, my mother used to say to me in Chinese, “If you are near the ink stone you will get soiled. If near flowers you will smell beautiful.” Why she chose this exact proverb to explain better hygiene would leave me at a loss for most of my teenage life. Now older, I realize that her cryptic saying had nothing to do with personal hygiene at all but rather, and more pertinent to the word ownership, to convey that your choices matter.
I was brought up in a medical family. My mother is a pediatrician and was my doctor until I was a teenager. My father is an obstetrician gynecologist but not mine of course. Growing up, my parents never refrained from reminding me how important hard work, education and being Chinese meant, and that with positive influence and good choices, life would smell of roses. I’d roll my eyes and wish I could just be like everybody else I knew in Forest Hills - Jewish and taking it easy on Saturdays.
On our Saturdays, my three sisters and I all had our share of working for my mom as a receptionist. She thought it was good training. I’d check the appointment book and pull out the patient records, set the patients up for check-ups, and after examinations would review their file to figure out how much to charge. My mom had a code system - a check equaled the flat visit rate and each additional plus sign next to the check would be additional amounts for immunization shots for TB, hepatitis, malaria etc. It was a relatively simple job, but as a developing teen, it was not the most inspiring.
Some Saturdays, I took Chinese calligraphy classes with one of my father’s painting buddies. I practiced brush strokes and learned technique and style by imitating ancient masters from my dad’s book collection. At times, I would just watch my teacher paint. These classes were appealing, except for having to speak only in Chinese. Often, teacher’s long descriptions of history and philosophical explanations translated into daydreams of being elsewhere or into focusing on his moving chin. But, my father thought this was the best way to learn.
Up until I was about 13, I didn’t have many choices. I had a chock-full youth of extra-curricular activities, none of which were my choice. The list is actually quite impressive when I think about it - piano, violin, viola, orchestra, Chinese school, painting, tennis, horseback riding… but all the while, I was fantasizing about what I would do if ever given the choice.
It’s almost 20 years later and unfortunately, the expectations of a young American born Chinese complete with a fine set of examples from the great influences of a respectable family are hardly in sight. Instead, I’ve taken claim of Pees On Earth, a photo documentary of my life between the age 21-29 where I demonstrate the act of urinating in public in the pursuit of owning territory, body, rebellious antics, and the un-ownable.
Remembering my mom’s proverb as a means for guidance, I ask myself, “Which way is the ink stone? Which is the flower?” And I know there is no ink stone. There is no flower. There is no one or the other, no one action, no one consequence. From the potty training to professional training, from hygiene to getting your mind keen, ironically, the proverb taught me words to live by and that is this: Get soiled, smell beautiful!
